I've got to watch my heart when I throw everything into one basket. That's what I had done with this job. The job was going to come along a sooth a bunch of things into place. Money to get me back on track. Perks to enable me to get travelling again. And most importantly structure and a planned time schedule that wasn't just mine to figure out and fill. When I found out I didn't get the job I didn't feel immediate sadness for not getting the package it offered me. I was more unsure about the lack of structure and everyday connection to a team - that lack rattled me more if I'm honest with you.
I've had to go on some big long walks to find a way for my heart to settle. Walking a couple of hrs a day takes up time and also clears my head to connect with heaven. Not in an airy way but in a very intentional, I need you way. I need my heart to become more anchored in who I know God to be. I need my trust levels to be higher in who He says He is, over what I can see on my LinkedIn job alerts. I need to assume the best about Papa's plans and purposes over my perceived benefits of a specific job role. It's not easy. I feel I'm dying to discomfort and getting rain soaked in the process too. But I most definitely need something bigger than a single job to put my hope and trust into.